Beef: ‘I feel like I’ve lost the last five years of my career’

In his latest column for TG, Andrew ‘Beef’ Johnston updates us on his problematic thumb injury.

I’ve not been in a great place recently. I’m facing the very realistic prospect that my season is over before it’s even begun. 

I’m currently in Singapore where I finally received a diagnosis on the thumb injury that’s been impacting me again for months. I have a complete ligament tear and a partial tear in two tendons. Unfortunately, due to a series of misdiagnoses, it’s taken months to find out. 

After the highs of finishing third at the Omega European Masters the hand was feeling great, and I felt I was getting back to my best. Then I started getting some pain again after Wentworth. I went to see a specialist and they didn’t think it was anything bad, so knowing I’d got my status for this season I took some time off, got some rehab and physio and was planning to come back in January.   

I started practising in December, but the pain worsened and I was thinking, “Oh, shit, not again.” I got reassured again, but it didn’t improve and I had to miss the Middle East. After that I was just like, “What the f*** am I doing here?” You start getting a gut feeling that something isn’t right. 

My head was all over the place about what to do next, so I just asked my daughter Harley where she thought daddy should get his hand fixed. She said “Singapore”, knowing we’d been here the last time, so here we are. 

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Coming out here I was still hopeful it wasn’t too bad. I was even hoping I could get it sorted and then stay out here ready for the Porsche Singapore Open at the end of this month. But then came the scan results. At that stage I was just done. Are you f***ing kidding me? I was so pissed off and angry that I’d spent months being misdiagnosed. 

So now I’ve had PRP (platelet-rich plasma) injections to see if we can speed up the repair, but everything’s leaning towards surgery, which is four-to-six months of recovery. If I drag PRP out for too long, then I won’t be ready for the start of next season in November. Suddenly that realisation kicks in that I’m facing missing another full season.  

I’d kept asking, “Do I need an MRI?”, and everyone was just telling me it wasn’t needed. From October to January I was being told the wrong thing. If I’d found out at the start of that time, I could have had surgery and be back playing by now! It’s just a kick in the nuts. 

Lots of people try to avoid the surgery because of where it is on the thumb. It can be fiddly and delicate, leave scar tissue, and while the thumb might repair, it might not go back to the way it was or recover 100 percent. I’ll be honest, I was pushing for the surgery, but I’ve listened to the experts who say surgery is the last resort. 

As a golfer the thumb is one of the worst places you can have a problem. I look back and I made a slight grip change to chase getting better and I think perhaps that’s cost me the last three years. When I do come back, I’m going to have to look at going back to the old grip and old ways. With Covid and injury I feel like I’ve lost the last five years of my career, years when I could have been peaking. 

I had a really low period. I’ve got quite lost during these injuries with so much time off and not having answers for so long. I didn’t find other things to do, so I almost wasted that time. But now I’m through the anger and I’ve got a positive mindset. I can’t hit balls or work on my game, but I’m doing a lot more stuff in the gym, more cardio, so I can get to a good weight and come back fitter and healthier. And I’ve started yoga but, Jesus, I am s*** at it! Honestly, I cannot believe how stiff I am. I got asked if I wanted to do classes, but I don’t need anyone seeing that! 

Much as it breaks my heart, I’m planning for next season. There’s a chance it could be sooner, but I won’t take any risks. Anything earlier would be a huge bonus because I’m missing being out there on Tour, but I’m staying focused and keeping perspective. 

The support from my wife, Jodie, my family, friends, and sponsors has been incredible. They’ve got me through a lot these last few years. I’ve felt like I’m letting them down, which has brought a lot of guilt. Last season Jess, my caddie, practically left his job to come out on Tour with me, and now we can’t work. You feel awful for it. I think that’s probably the thing that weighs the most. But he’s been so good. Knowing that people have my back makes processing thinks and being positive that bit easier. 

The fans have been great, too. I’ve been quiet on social media because I’ve been trying to deal with things, and I have this battle because there’s so much s*** and so much noise on there. I debated staying off altogether but going forwards I think I’ll document this journey a bit to try and create a positive outlook for anyone who’s suffering setbacks. 

And I know it could be a lot worse. I’m blessed to do what I do and I know I’ll be back; I just have to be patient. 

• Andrew ‘Beef’ Johnston is a columnist for Today’s Golfer magazine